Three Hearts, One Choice, One Love
by Chimhill
Summary: she had to make a choice the one she married or the mistress but her heart is torn between both...AU... if u read whtm you will know this will be good...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: New Story that popped in my head. Tell me what you guys think. Must I continue or not. I will still follow up with Finding Me.**

Three hearts, One Choice, One Love

It is midnight and I just came back from another day at the book store ever since I have opened up my new book store I seem to be there more than at home. Sitting at my laptop in my office as I wrote another book to my series I have created since she made her decision. I didn't know what will be the out come of what she will be deciding its been three years and I haven't heard or seen her ever since that night.

Most nights I sleep at the office but tonight I thought I may make an appearance seeing as my family hasn't seen me in a few days. I am not ignoring them or anything but my wife and I keep fighting over the same thing over and over.

I remember when she left me a note on my computer screen.

It said: I have learnt that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

When I read it I know that she isn't going to wait for me to love her like I used when we first met. Our relationship went through so many hardships with other people interfering but it was one blonde blue eyed girl that rock our happily ever after for good.

When Spencer came into my life it was through our passion for art and literature. She was speaking my language we would most days be sitting in our own little world while I had a wife and a baby at home. My daughter was nine months old when I met Spencer at a coffee shop right on the beach front of Venice beach. She was a beauty no doubt I don't know why her luck with the male population was bad.

It happened almost like clock time that the minute I would walk through the door that there she would be engrossed in a book are her sketch pad. She is an amazing artist. She is also an architect. I have asked her in and outs of trying to get my house enlarged. Cause knowing Sarah is getting big and need another room for just her toys and I wanted a bigger study because Leah does most her work in the current office we had at the time. But Spencer was more then delighted to take the job.

I was smiling inside knowing I will get to see more of the blonde. It was mostly during the days with Leah gone and me looking after Sarah as I was a writer and had nowhere else to go. So I was the stay at home mom while my wife went to work. Leah is an amazing woman a heart of gold she loves me no matter what but I knew deep down I will end up hurting her.

It was three weeks that I worked with Spencer as her contractors were working on the rooms. My mom would keep Sarah at her house cause of the dust.

It was a Wednesday afternoon just before I went to fetch Sarah. I got out of my bathroom towel drying my hair and saw someone moving and there she was standing looking through the big glass window of my bedroom. Most days no one but me comes in here. I stood still for awhile as she turned around and just smile that gorguess smile at me. She was beautiful.

"Spencer what you doing in here." I asked. Not knowing what to do as I am standing here with just a towel wrapped around my naked form.

"Just admiring your amazing view." she said. I could see the look in her eyes as it brightens up her face.

"Sure it is. But I have to get dressed and pick up my daughter." I told her. She just stood there. Not moving an inch to the door.

"Don't be shy Ash. We both females. We have basically the same body parts."

"But my wife wouldn't like me undressing in front of another woman." I tell her.

"She is not here now is she? Our secret." I thought what the hell and dropped the towel and gripped my underwear that was lying on my bed. I could feel her eyes burning skin deep on my body. I felt weird under her watchful eye. I may have a small crush on the girl but this is nothing like that. She was scanning. More like thinking different sexual ways to have her way with me.

"Spencer. Spencer!" I shouted.

"Uhm what." She says.

"Are you done ogling my body now?" I could see her turning red in the face. Then she walked out. I just smiled at myself in the mirror.

But that wasn't the last time we had encounters like that.

It went on for days until just before one night I had to leave for an appointment at her house. Why I even went I don't know. I couldn't stay away from her at all. It was Leah's birthday party and we were going to have a small get together with some friends and close family. But I ended up at the blonde's condo.

I never classed myself as I cheater I fought temptation so hard but I guess my hormones gave in the minute I saw her when she open the door in nothing but dressed in a bikini and she was wet. Water was dripping down her milky skin as I followed the droplets running down till her breast and under. She looked not even surprised as my eyes wandered. My eyes came all the way back up to her neck and until it fell on her lips and then those eyes. She was smiling job well done probably.

I start to clean my throat.

"You said to meet you to talk about some ideas you want to run by me." I ask her.

"Oh yes come on in. it's in the den." I stood standing in the living area.

"Take a seat Ash." She says.

I went to go sit on her soft couches. This girl really knows her stuff. She has the best art on her walls that I have only ever read about.

I stood up and walked around seeing pictures of people that must be in her life. Another girl. A brunette holding her from behind. I stared at the pictures for along time until I heard footsteps behind me.

"That is my ex girl friend Taylor." She tells me as she takes the picture scanning the face of the girl. Must be someone she really loved. I looked at her face and the smile she had earlier been gone.

"Why ex." I ask her. Just to make small talk. I get uncomfortable around people who stare at something I don't know much of. I know I am weird like that.

"She died. A year ago." She says as she placed the picture back on the desk.

"I am sorry." I tell her.

"Don't be."

"The ideas you want to run by me." I asked. She looks at me for along time then walk back into what must be a kitchen.

"First something to drink. I am thirsty are you thirsty." Before I could decline. She already brought two glasses and a bottle of Chardonnay. Woman I tell yeah.

"Any way thanks." I said as I took the glass from her. I sipped little bits but she gulped them down like it was pouring water down there.

"Ashley. I really like you. Just a shame you taken." She says.

"I am lucky to have her."

"Yes she is." But the ideas that she wanted to run by me never came until I felt her hand moving on my jeans pad thigh. It went upper by every sip I took and I couldn't handle the feeling she was sending through my whole body. I had to fight it. Gosh Leah our baby I can't do this to them. I pull away as I moved a little to the left. But this girl wouldn't let up.

"Spencer." I said. But she was not about to let go. When she found herself right on top of me.

"Ash. I can't tell you how much I want you now."

"I cant I am married."

"Yeah you so married but you can't seem to keep your eyes of my breast when you got in."

"If you wore more clothes maybe then I wouldn't have been looking."

"So you have been looking."

Gosh.

"Spencer. Fuck." I said when I pulled her into me as I locked our lips together I can't fight this woman and the feelings that is awakening inside of me. Just feeling her touching me as she pulls my shirt up and got hold of my button of my pants. I lift her up as still on me, both her legs glued around my waist. I need to have her.

"I need to have you Ash." She said. I threw her on the bed just laying there. Her wet hair splayed on the white satin sheets. I unbutton my jeans and zipper further down as I pulled it until I was standing there with nothing on.

Two hours later I was out the door. Panicking cause I lost track of time with the blonde making my orgasm blown into frenzy. She was wow. It was. Oh fuck I am a cheater. I have become someone I always said I never want to be. I cheated on Leah with a girl I haven't even known for two months.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks to those who have read and reviewed and made it there favourites. It is quite different yes cos Spencer is the seducer. But like I said I am merely the writer and like to create a world where things are not always impossible.**

**Hope you love the update.**

Chapter 2

When I arrived at our house it was dark from the outside. I couldn't go straight home; I made a u turn at my mother's to freshen up a bit. I know I have now become a cheater and also a liar. I should rod in hell for this.

I got out of the car as I walk the trail up to the front lawn that leads up to the porch. It was way to quiet for my liking I still had Leah's gift tug under my arms. I open the door as I stepped in I closed the door behind me as I laid my back against it to take some deep breathes before going further into the house. But that wasn't necessary because the light went on and there she sat with tears falling down her dark eyes. Leah is a beautiful woman I was the luckiest girl in the world when I met her a few years ago on a trip to the Caribbean Islands.

"Babe." I said. As I start to make my way over there. But not even a few steps towards her.

"NO! Stop right there don't dare coming closer." I knew then that she isn't going to hear my lie I have told myself why I weren't here.

"Leah. Babe. Let me explain okay." I beg of her.

But yet she stopped me as she got up. I know it's late and that our daughter is fast asleep by now.

"Ash I can take a lot a crap from you but this I won't tolerate ever." She says. I didn't know what she were talking about I might as well go with whatever she is talking about.

"I want you to go."

"What this is my house." I tell her.

"Well then I go and I will take my daughter with me." she said. When she said daughter I thought no. I can't let her take Sarah this time of the night.

"Leah lets talk about this okay. I was late yeah I know I got stuck in a rather unnecessary meeting, then I stopped by my mom's house to get this." I showed her the gift tug under my arms. But she wasn't smiling or believing me.

"Why do I feel like you aren't telling the truth here? I had to entertain our friends tonight for a dinner party you threw for me, but yet my own wife doesn't even show up, how you think I must feel huh."

"I'll make it up to you baby. Please don't break this family up its all I have. I love you and I love Sarah. I can't picture my life without either."

I start to move closer to her but not to far. In the back of my mind I hate what happened a few hours prior. How can I give in so easily to the blonde it's what she wanted for quite sometime? To get me to have sex with her. But something about Spencer I just couldn't resist those eyes. Stop it Ash. You have a family.

"Ashley if I find out something more then this is going on so help me I will find out." She said. I knew Leah wouldn't hurt a fly she is the softest gentlest person. Why would I have married her?

That night didn't really go so good; I was told my new room were the spare bedroom far right at the back. Not even near my wife's. I couldn't really look in Leah's face cause the guilt of what happened with Spencer that night felt like it was eating me up inside. And then there were the constant dreams I have been getting with me and Spencer doing all kinds of sexual escapades. Gosh she is good; well she is even better then in the dream.

I woke up at around nine am when my cell phone went off. Sarah gets dropped off by my mom. Leah has taken that its best she gets someone else looking after our daughter I really don't see the need for her into doing that. I picked up the phone and what you know the girl that is been on my mine for quite sometime.

A text from her.

**Hey stranger its been days last since I have seen you. If you free today get me at the coffee shop the usual place. Spence**

Just then I knew trouble were on the horizon. But I am in dire need of some caffeine. I got up and went to get a shower. I took the quickest shower ever and left a note on the refrigerator where I will be. Its have become a rule to leave a note with my whereabouts. But I am not going to lie about where I will be and with whom. I just wrote down having coffee with a friend. Ash

I arrived at the coffee shop as the chimes by the door make everyone an alarm someone is coming. In the far end of the corner she was sat down once again her head focused in another book. I walk up to the front desk ordering my coffee and showed the lady where I would be having my coffee and I also ask her for a refill for the blonde.

I paid the coffees and walked down the long aisle to the table that has the most beautiful being sitting at. I came walking as she turns around seeing me. Just looking at her made me smile. A smile I haven't had for days. Things at home aren't going so well. Leah is treating me differently she doesn't even let me touch her or kiss her at night or in the mornings like we use to. All thanks to what I have done. She doesn't know I have cheated but she does suspect I have done something that is unethical.

I finally sat down my mind still on Leah when she spoke.

"Thanks for coming." She said.

"Yeah we ran out of coffee I said." Just when the lady brought my coffee and gave Spencer her refill she said thank you so politely and turned to face me once again.

"Yeah no coffee at home. Why don't you buy some." She said smiling knowing I am one for innuendos.

Gosh how come I can't stay away from her knowing its going to cause a lot of pain? But I like her. I am starting really like Spencer she makes me feel things I haven't in quite sometime. I love my wife but we both so busy in our separate fields that the only time we get is when we have family days with our daughter. When Spencer came into my life I just needed someone to talk about art and literature and here a few months later I am starting to want more of her every passing minute.

Her hand were laid on top of mine as she tells me about her friends at a party she has attended recently she asked me if I would accompany her to a fundraiser for a street children in West Beverly Hills. I told her as much as I would like to I can't I have plans with my wife and daughter that night. It's like she ignores the fact I have a family.

"Spence, what happened between us the last time it can't ever happen again? I think its best you don't call me." I tell her. I could see the change in her body.

"Then tell me this why can't you stop thinking about me. I know you have Ashley. You can't tell me I haven't been in your mind or dreams." She says. I start to think that Spencer is a freak.

"Not a freak just a mind reader. I like you I am not going to lie. That night I wanted it. And you wanted it just as much."

"Gosh damit I can't okay. I have to go." I walked out the coffee shop not looking back until I was completely outside. My head turn back inside the coffee shop. Our eyes locked. Brown on Blue. It was just that look that I knew I am hooked line and sinker. I looked away and got into my car driving to my mother's house to go get Sarah. Just maybe spending time with my daughter could take my mind off the blonde.

**AN: Just so you guys know this story moves back and forward into the past and into the present. It will be like that throughout the story.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

If you ever found yourself desperate to love two beautiful women at the same time some would call you the luckiest. But here I am sitting in my car on my way home. I have stayed most nights at the book store. I don't know how to cope sometimes the day I told her I love Leah. That I want to see it through with my wife. Instead I let go off someone I really start to fall in love with. Spencer has made it clear numerous times that all she ever wanted was to be loved and for someone to love her back.

Leah and I stood in front of family and friends and vowed to love each other for better or for worse. But why is it that my heart has been fighting a battle on its own. She is a million miles away.

I knew that at some point I had to let go someone. But I was married and had a family. My daughter was still young I didn't want her to grow up in the same house I have. Where the parents can't even get along to stay for your birthday.

It all came out. The cheating the lies. It all came out and it blew up in my face. Spencer on one side and Leah on the other how could they ask me to choose when it so hard to really know what I want and who I wanted to be with.

"Ashley." I heard her say.

"Yeah." I say back.

"Do you think it's possible that our love will stay like this forever? I mean I have never in my life felt this strong about anyone." She said.

"What about Taylor."

"I loved her. But I wasn't in love with her. We were best friends and we start dating at 16 when she died I never dated just random dates but nothing that I want to stick around. But this with you and me it feels real. I have fallen in love with you." she says.

"Spence." I say. As I lift her head as it was laid in the crook of my neck. I looked into her eyes. I love her I do. But how can I be with her and hurt my daughter.

"You don't have to say it Ash. It doesn't really matter. I shouldn't have come this close. It's my fault. But just know that I would always love you no matter what." As I kissed her soft lips.

It was nights and afternoons like that I looked forward to during my weeks. When she would leave for business trips it was hard. Not knowing what she is up to. We had come to never call each other or email the other. You don't know who might see it.

I wish sometimes I haven't acted on my feelings for her. That day I walked out of the coffee shop I should've never looked back I should've just carry on.

But the following day I was back at her condo. Cause I just couldn't stop thinking about her. Leah was still treating me cold not talking to me. No I love you's nothing. It drove me insane it went on like that for quite sometime. Its then I had to have more of Spencer she was mine. I was lucky. I couldn't stand the fact sometimes she would hang out with her friends who one of them I could note had a crush on her. but I let it fall to the back of my mind as I would walk up to the blonde and throw my arms around her waste and kiss the back of her neck as she would lay herself into me.

"Do you think I would ever get enough of this." I asked her. Yet again we were off somewhere doing unethical things. We have booked a weekend away out far away from prying eyes. We mostly stayed inside the cottage seeing as it were snowing.

She was lying in the hot tub I was just standing there watching the white snow behind the beautiful girl I have come to love. She is definitely a keeper.

"I think you think too much. Just enjoy yourselves Ashley. You may never get to see me like this again. Naked and wet." She starts to laugh as I took of my towelling gown and threw it on the floor and joined her in the hot tub.

"I love naked and I love wet." Was my reply as we both get lost into the moment?

I was almost near the house. The light are on I could see of the road as I turn into the drive way. I can't wait to see my little girl she is almost three years old. Her brown curly hair is always in messy curls. She is definitely her mother's child. I switch the car off as I take out the gifts on the back seat.

The same walked I took that night when I stayed over at Spence that first night. Just thinking about that makes me smile. The way the blonde seduced me. But I couldn't really fight temptation. That was always my weak spot. Sex and alcohol and now beautiful blondes. But that was then this is now.

I finally knocked on the door hearing a jumpy Sarah running to the door. When the door flung open I was crashed by a hug from my little girl as I lowered to her level.

"Mommy. I miss you." she said. Hugging me still. Gosh I missed her.

"I missed you to my princess." I got up picking her up with the gift that slipped out my arm with the bundle of love I just received from my daughter.

"Is that for me." she asks. As I hand over the plush teddy bear to her. She hugged it so tight kissing his nose. Awww that is the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

"Where's mama?" I ask her. Just by saying that I see Leah coming from the kitchen.

She stood there for abit. Until she came closer. This was kind of awkward because I haven't seen her in such a long time.

"Hey Ash." She says. As I let Sarah down and hugged her mom. It felt good but Leah seems to be uncomfortable.

We let go from the other.

"How you been." I ask her.

"Some days are better then other but I guess we all cant be happy 24/7." She says.

"So what is cooking it smells good." It was strange believe me my wife feels like a stranger. I don't know if it's the lack of being not at home but I knew it was going to be difficult.

"Your favourite chilli."

"Thanks babe." I say. As I kiss her on the cheek. It has come to that. She would touch me but she wouldn't sleep with me. We share the same bed now.

Sometimes when she forgets to say it I would say it. I love you. But she would brush it off like she hasn't heard me or anything.

I wonder did I do the right thing. I still love Spencer but she gone now. That day when it came out that I was having an affair with my former architect I knew I was going to make up my mind. Leah had threw me out completely my mom didn't want me with her. I couldn't go to Spencer's either. I was living in a one bedroom apartment. The constant cries from Spencer and the look on Leah's face. It was imprinted on my brain. I knew I were wrong doing what I did. I have fought with myself over the whole break up with the both of them. I couldn't handle it until I stopped reaching out to either I had to think. I had to fix my own emotions. I had so much going on in my life that I kept telling myself just to take the easy way out but then Sarah's face pops up saying mommy don't. How could I crush my little girl like that? I couldn't do that but I did go away for over a month.

**AN: like I said it moves from the past to the present.**

**Thanks for those who is reading this story.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Thank You all who is reading this. I haven't done this since WHTM.**_

_**Slushhy: sorry to make you confuse I have italics for the past memories.**_

_**Dha Cd: Thanks for the review it means a lot.**_

_**Z Guy: I like how you put it moral dilemma over come by sexuality**_

_**Coachkimm: Thanks for the reviews.**_

_**Me4son: the last part of your review, I ask myself why constantly or what if's, then I realize I can what if all day long.**_

_**Wannebebo352: thanks for the review and I am glad you like the way the flashbacks and present fit in.**_

_Chapter 4_

"_Tell me what you want please. If it's me you want if it's her just please do what is best for you not for her or me." she said._

"_Leah how. I know this is hard on you but please give me time. This is what you wanted right the separation." I tell her._

"_You lying cheating whore." She called me._

"_You know she can hear you right. Don't do this Leah. We can work through this." _

"_I don't want to work on something that you have torn apart. Gosh I love you so much Ashley. With my whole heart I asked you so many times don't break it."_

"_Baby I will go but give me another chance. I want you okay."_

"_If you wanted me you wouldn't have done what you did."_

"_I made a mistake alright."_

"_Do you love her?" I couldn't deny what my heart was feeling towards the blonde._

"_You can't say it. You love her. Through our marriage and you love someone else. You never loved me."_

"_I love you I still do. But I can't deny not loving her. Yes I screwed up." I tell her back. Tears were falling down both our faces._

"_You thought you were never going to get caught right. Your guilt bothered you."_

"_Yes I couldn't live a lie anymore." _

"_Ashley go please. I can't look at you now. Knowing you slept with her and did things I don't even want to think about._

Sitting here in the house where I once felt loved in, a house I bought knowing I want to raise a family in.

Seeing Leah hardly talking to me throughout dinner. I am currently sitting in my study, the study she designed for me. There are so many memories of me and Spencer that sometimes I think I drive myself insane. I start writing my first book on the series I am still working on. The day Spencer told me she can't no longer hold on to something that she knows will never happen. Apart of me died just a little bit more each passing day. If I had the choice to make all the things I have done up to that day when she asked me yet again.

"_Ash, you can't just stay quiet you have to tell her. We have to tell we love each other. I know you are going to choose her cause of Sarah. That is wrong you know. Why let her grow up in a house where both parents are miserable." She says._

"_But I love her Spencer. How can you just expect me to walk away? What if me and you don't work out?"_

"_We don't know what will happen in the future but what I do know is that I am in love with you. I don't think I can ever love anyone like I have loved you." she says._

I knew that time that Spencer has been with her friends a lot more. I didn't know sometimes what went wrong in her mind. Yes she loves me but why do I feel sometimes she were keeping things from me.

"_Just tell me Spencer. Just tell me if there is someone other then me."_

"_No." she said. But I knew she was lying to me. Since the time I have met her she has open up to me telling me about her life. The things she endured growing up. The thought of anyone hurting her was something I never liked. But I was hurting her. I was hurting Leah. _

Why is when your heart knows what you want and it comes to that point that you see the person you want to spend the rest of your life with but yet you are afraid letting that love slip away, letting her slip away. It comes and bites you back in the ass.

"Ashley." I look up as Leah came walking back into the study. She had an A4 envelope in her hand. She threw it in front of me. I looked at the envelope and I look back at her.

"What is this?" I ask her.

"Open it." she says. I slowly unsealed the top as I take out the documents. I couldn't believe it.

"Are you kidding me here." I ask her.

"Read it and sign please my attorney is waiting on it as soon as you get through it."

"I don't want it; I am not letting you do this. She is as much my child as yours."

"Ashley look around you, look what has become of us. This isn't a marriage it were never one the day you decided to betray me and what we have built. You broke my heart and I can't ever love you. Not like that ever." She says.

"You want a divorce and joint custody. Who does she stay with." Stupid question I already knew the answer she is getting Sarah.

"We can work something out. But I can't be married to someone who hasn't stopped loving someone else. You still love her. It's been so long but yet you love her."

I didn't read the document and put my signature next to my name ASHLEY DAVIES.

I handed the document back to her.

"So this is it. You let me go just like that."

I got up from my desk as I packed up my laptop and put it in the case. With some of my documents and a picture of Sarah. I guess my new condo is going to be lived in by me.

I walked till I got to the door just before I turned around.

"It doesn't mean that while I was loving her that I love you any less." I tell her and I finally walked out of the house. The house I can no longer claim or the people in it.

I have learnt something's. Love is hard and every time I thought that I was doing the best thing by loving Leah, sticking to her and our family I never knew I was hurting her cause through out I was in love with Spencer Carlin.

If I can have a time machine and set it back two years later. When I saw her for the very last time when she told me she can't wait, that every chance she has given me I have let it slip. It was just the timing I kept telling her. I love Spencer. I have loved her ever since the first day I met her in the coffee shop with her head stuck in a book are her love for art. She is an amazing person. Just maybe one day I will cross paths with her who knows.

If I only listened to my heart back then, if I only told her yes we can be together.

But she met someone. I always taught she would wait for me, that she would try to reason. I mean I had it all but it doesn't mean anything cause she is somewhere else, being someone else's girl friend. I want to believe in that love we shared. I want to believe that Spencer has loved me for who I am. Not cause I was this amazing writer who knew how to write love stories, but here I am a romance writer but my own love life is screwed up.

"_Ash we can go about it any other way but I know and you know that we are meant to be, one day you going to wake up and you are going to see me there. Standing beside you. I told you about the dream of the brunette with the faceless face, but I now know she has a scar on her left foot, I remember tracing it with my finger and I kissed it, she told me it's a scar she picked up when she was little."_

"_Did you see her face." She hesitated but I got her to tell me._

"_Yes."_

"_Who?"_

_Nothing._

"_Who Spence."_

"_You. Its you okay."_

If only I did believe in that dream more.

**AN: It's not the end yet. There are more to come.**

**Thanks for the reviews**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"_So Ashley what inspires you to write the Three Hearts, One Choice, One Love." The interviewer asked me._

"_Many things inspire me, but I had to say my wife she is my muse. Before I met her there wasn't someone that made me feel loved so much? Like just being with her inspires me to write her a poem." I tell her._

_I was currently being interviewed by E! They have contacted my editor and ask if they can do a one on one interview with the latest writing sensation._

_Most people couldn't believe that even though I have a back ground in music why I ended up being a writer._

"_What is the book about can you tell us?" _

"_It's about this woman who fell in love with someone that wasn't her partner. She tried to block out the feelings this other woman was making her feel but she gave into her feelings. Why don't you buy the book and find out more." I tell her._

_It wasn't long when she asked me something I never thought would come up. It's been a year since the blonde has moved away._

"_Spencer Carlin does the name ring a bell." She asked. I looked to the camera facing me then looking at my editor that was standing to far from me._

"_Ashley. We need you to look at the camera please." I was getting agitated about the questions. Leah didn't know the actual truth. Only assumptions.._

"_Uh….She is a friend." I tell her._

"_Really. Well how do you explain these tabloid pictures of the two of you out in the Bahamas?" _

_She showed me the picture of me and the blonde flanking around on the beach with bikinis on. The ones with me laying over her and the ones that were taken through the window in our bedroom. How messed up are these photographers._

"_We are done here." I tell her. When I got up and threw the attachments that was on me. As James try to calm me down. The Tabloid in her hand I took and stuffed it in his face as I stormed out of the studio. I couldn't believe this shit. How could I have been so stupid? I start to gasp as Leah comes to my mind. This isn't going to go well at all. She knew something but now its out. It's freaking out for everyone to see._

"_Ashley." I heard._

"_Fuck off." I said back. To cameras that has been following me out of the studio until I got to the parking lot and got into my car as I drove out with speed not giving a second thought who I might hit._

Leah has called me and told that the papers are being processed I cant believe that this is what my life has become that day when I was interviewed I never after that day let my editor or publicist get me gigs on television. I fired James the following day with a lawsuit. I won and his ass is broke. Nobody mess with ASHLEY DAVIES.

But that day didn't just end there with me driving out of that parking lot. Coming home to the house that was surrounded by more cameras I couldn't believe it.

"_Miss Davies is it true did you have an affair with the multi millionaire architect Spencer Carlin." It's all I keep hearing as I pushed through the mass outside my lawn._

_I turned around._

"_Would you do me a favour get a fucking life assholes." With that I walked through my door. Not even further in my house I see my wife coming from the kitchen knowing she has been crying. The next thing I notice were the tabloid in her hands. What is going on that happened so long time ago and now it hit the bookshelves._

"_Leah."_

"_Leah." I call again._

_She just cried. I didn't know what to do at the time. I stood there. _

"_Leah." She walked closer to me. Until she stood right in front of me. The looks on her face the hurt, the pain I know I have caused her that._

_She stuffed that magazine in my face. I never seen her mad in her life. I know occasionally I could make her mad but she was fuming. And with her being a Latina I knew not to mess._

"_I knew it, all along but you denied it. You denied having an affair. Ashley how could you do this to me to us, our family. Did I not love you enough? Did I not make your world spin that you had to look for someone else."_

"_Leah baby."_

_She stopped me there._

"_Spencer Carlin. It's that the meeting you had that night. Was it the night you screwed her. Was it!"_

_I started to get scared when she starts to throw the vase that was standing next to her. I ducked just in time._

"_Leah don't do this please I can explain okay."_

"_Explain what that you fucked another woman."_

"_I love you."_

"_No you don't. I want you out. Separation or annulment but I want you out of this house and our lives."_

That was the day Leah found out that I was having an affair with Spencer. We were separated for over five months.

When the whole separation came out it was cause of the pictures in the tabloids, the time I walked away from the both of them were when Spencer wanted to be more than what we were.

Leah had suspicions about something that has been going on between us but never had proof. Up until the interview and all my secrets came out in the open. The only person I was protecting was basically myself.

I didn't want to leave Leah for Spencer but also didn't want to let Spencer go, knowing I will never have a chance with her.

When the first part of my book came out there were more rumours surrounding that my affair with the blonde was more than that.

Leah and I got together we had went marriage counselling not wanting to split our family apart. Sarah has suffered enough because of me at the time. I hope one day she can forgive me for everything I have done to her mother.

Living in a world where you think you have it all the love of a beautiful woman a daughter who looks up to you and then you find yourself torn between two women. It all went down hill for me. But its one girl I couldn't forget.

"_Ashley. Welcome to your new bookstore." I hear my assistant call out. Aiden was a great friend even though we dated in our junior year of college he couldn't keep his hands of the cheerleaders and afterwards they couldn't keep there hands of me. That was who I became. I love beautiful woman, I love the sense that I could get any girl I wanted, but I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted Spencer. But Leah and I were back together. But things weren't as it were before I knew that it was going to be hard._

"_Do you think she would show up." I asked him._

"_I don't know dude. But you had it all and you threw it away.' he said._

"_Don't you start with you shit too please? The wife already treats me cold don't you get me pissed off more."_

"_That is what you get when you piss Leah off." I know Aiden likes me with Leah even though he never even knew I was seeing the blonde throughout the months she has been in town._

"_Yeah, Yeah." I said. As I walked inside of the busy bookstore. Leah wasn't here with my opening she had to fly out to New York for a conference. Sarah was at my mother's house. I was here alone with Aiden by my side. Its then I saw a woman, blonde. I could be wrong. Lots of people got blonde hair. Every time I would walk through the malls I would spot someone as a flash of blonde hair pass me by. It was never her. But this woman, just the way she stood that pose she would give when she is in a conversation. Could it be?_

_I walked up to the woman as put my hands on the woman's right shoulder turning her around._

_It wasn't her. _

"_I am sorry I thought you were someone else."_

"_Its fine." She said and went back to talking to the guy._

_I saw Aiden starring at me._

_He came towards me hugging me._

"_Looks like she did decline her invite. Ash you got to stop driving yourself insane." He said._

It was that day I decided just maybe she has already moved on.

I moved on writing my second book on my series.

Now here I am sitting in my new condo no wife and no Spencer.

I wonder if I would ever get to see her.

**AN: somewhere I got a little lost on how certain flash backs had to come out. Leah knew something but she didn't have proof until the interview and the tabloid. I hope Spencer will make a come back. **

**Someone asked for a Spencer POV. I will get to something where she will come in.**

**Thanks for the reviews guys.**

**Chimhill**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Snippet out of Three Hearts, One Choice, One Love_

"_I still love you. I want you back, I am sure you thought about it to at some point." The break in her voice surprised me._

_Suddenly she felt like bursting into tears._

"_We shouldn't have carried on avoiding each other for so long." She said._

"_Erica is right ...friends are the most important thing in the world." I told her knowing that just maybe avoidance was the worst thing I could've done._

_All the awkwardness and the tension evaporated as we fell into easy conversation catching up on a years worth of lost and closeness._

That was from the one chapter in my book I wrote. Its was more a book on how to heal my own soul. I never thought in my life that the near thought of any written word has so much power on. There were a couple of more snippets in the book I have come to love to read whenever I am alone.

_The music start to play as Erica and her new fiancée opens the dance floor. I found myself dancing with her, resting her head on my shoulders as we swayed to the music both of us battling fiercely with every impulse in our bodies._

"……_.we can be friends right." She asked._

_Not until all the good byes have been said and they faced each other in the car park. Her gaze holds mine for just a moment, in a look that's half anguish, half resignation. She gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. She seemed more relaxed after all this time. We both went our separate ways, back to a world that has no room for each other._

_I know we'll be okay; the day will come when we can be friends, and it was just too soon. That's all._

I was sitting at my laptop reading all the emails she has send me in the time we haven't seen the other. It saddens me that what my life has become how I am going to pick up my life. There is only one girl at the moment I want to spend my time with and she is a brunette. She can fix me up with one scoop ice cream and watching Dora Explorer, yes that would be a three year old who got me to see day light again. I haven't had any run ins with my ex wife where our daughter is concern.

But I miss her the one who my heart is longing for. I wonder some nights how she is, if she is still thinking about me the way I am thinking about her. If I could only see her once again.

I remember it was just after the whole Tabloid came out.

_Ring….ring._

_Gosh who is this now? _

_I grab the cell phone off my night stand._

"_Hello."_

"_Ash switch on the television on E!" I hear Aiden say._

"_What are you insane?"_

"_Ash just watch it but don't put the phone off not yet." He says._

_I got up from my bed and walked out of the bedroom into the living room. I got the remote and jumped on the couch._

"_What am I looking at Aid." Just before he could answer I saw it. I saw her. Omg._

"_ASH!"_

_**Miss Carlin congratulations should be in order.**_

_**Thank You.**_

_**I am very happy for winning the award I couldn't have done without someone special in my life.**_

_**Do tell.**_

_**Not now.**_

_**Is the rumour true about you and Ashley Davies?**_

_She was quiet._

_As the interviewer got back into her list of questions._

_**Ashley was someone special; I don't like how rumours have ruined her life.**_

_**So you do know that she is getting a divorce.**_

_Dang how do they know the ins and outs of my personal life. Just looking at her was…then I stopped._

"_Ash…Hun you there." I heard Aiden._

_I lift the cell phone up as I tell him I would call him back._

_**I have read about it. Ashley made her choice, we moved on.**_

_**But can you honestly tell me you don't love her anymore.**_

_**I will always love Ashley no matter what. I met someone.**_

_I heard her say. Omg. She met someone._

_Not too long I saw the girl looking towards her hands. Holding it showing it towards the cameras._

_**So it's true you are engaged. To be married.**_

_**Yes I am. She is wonderful.**_

_**May I ask who?**_

_**Well she isn't anyone famous but she's an artist.**_

_**Who?**_

_**Erin Carter.**_

_I couldn't believe it, I couldn't understand it. She is. She is…she's not mine. She was supposed to be mine._

_I start to hear my phone ring again._

"_Ash, I am sorry I didn't know."_

"_Aiden how. How can she tell me she want me to love her back. How come she couldn't wait?"_

"_Ash I know that you love her. But you stayed with Leah. You chose your family over her. Just maybe she found what you had with Leah."_

"_Leah isn't even here anymore. There is no one anymore." I tell him._

"_You got Sarah and you have me. We will never leave you."_

"_Thanks Aid. I have to go." I tell him. As I dropped my cell phone and walked out the living room. I knew at some point I was going to loose her I just never knew it would be that night._

Is it possible to live in a world where you know you have caused pain? Where you have start to believe that now is the time to start to live to make yourself feel good and not mope around your house cause you afraid of what the outside world is thinking about you. I know whenever I go pick up Sarah that people at her school look at me weird I wanted to take her out but Leah was hard on the fact that she doesn't want to take Sarah out of a school cause of my life style. I sometimes get really pissed at the way Leah treats me. I know I deserve everything I got from her cause of what I have done. But all people make mistakes and we got to live with the consequences. I did this to us, nobody is to blame, but I hate the fact that she throws Spencer and what we did to her in my face. I got mad sometimes when I told her I am sick of this shit. I couldn't stop what happened I am only human.

So I write, I write what's in my heart, things I can't express to the people around me. Things that I don't even know I am holding in, that it appears in my work.

When Leah read the first book on my series, Three Hearts, One Choice, One Love, she told me that the partner sounded a lot like her, that she can relate to what Andrea were going through. I wonder if she would really think it's about our love, about what I have done to her.

But it doesn't matter now. It's just a story that got interpreted to real life situations.

Most of my friends told me to start living. Get a life Ash, you fucked up now live and let go of what happened we can't go back and fix it. But I not once regret meeting Spencer. It would be a lie if I say that I don't love her or that I don't see a life with her even now, knowing that somewhere out there she is engage to another girl.

"_I love you."_

"_But why do you love me, knowing we can't be."_

"_All I know is that I never wanted anyone more then I want you in my life."_

"_If it were that easy, Spence."_

"_Why can't you just accept that?"_

"_I am just an ordinary girl nothing special."_

"_I don't agree with you…maybe that is what I like about you that you're not trying to be someone you not."_

"_I don't want people to judge me when they see me with you."_

"_So is that what you worried about…what people may say."_

"_That and the fact I am cheating on my wife. Couldn't we have stopped it?"_

"_We couldn't at some point we would have gave into our feelings Ash. Don't regret this cause I don't regret anything that happen."_

I heard a car hooting behind me as it pulls me away from another memory. It was one of the mother's from the school Sarah attended; she swerved her car on the other side of my car. I looked through the window as I saw my little girl coming with her teacher. She is one happy girl, knowing her parents aren't together. She still doesn't understand much what is happening.

"Hey Mrs Davies." The teacher called. As she opens the door for Sarah, she does it every day as she would fasten Sarah into her car seat, she is really nice girl.

"Thanks Susan." I say. As she kiss Sarah on the cheek.

"Hello mommy." She says.

"How was school baby?"

"I got a gold star today mommy."

"Awww baby that is good. So ready to go see mama."

"Yay mama." She says. The only thing me and Leah have in common now is the fact we share a child. We have scheduled times who she gets to spend certain weekends with. But she has been rather kind to let Sarah stay more then the usual weekends at my house. Which I am not about to complain about. Spending time with my daughter is the only thing that gets me through. That and my writing.

"Okay first ice cream." And off we go as I hear her sing songs she learnt through the day sometimes I would sing with but right now I am just listening to her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_I've been looking at life in all its dimensions. I've even looked at all the little road trips we've been on, we have all these different roads that we drive through and somehow each road links to the other somewhere._

_When I see people who are in love I think to myself what keeps them together. How do you give someone the one thing in our lives that is so caring and nurturing that you afraid to give it over, your heart? In more ways I am afraid of opening up and give my heart completely because I don't know how protecting that person is going to be once they have it._

_Someday I believe that I would find that kind of love that you want to be with the person cause of what they make you feel, I always use to wonder will I ever fall in love again, but it should be the kind of love that makes your heartbeat faster with every second and that you cant live without that heartbeat, a smile that shines from deep down inside, a love that is unconditional, I just hope when that, when I do find that kind of love once more I wouldn't guard my heart and be afraid and take the risk of being in love. It should be a great feeling to have once more._

The second part of my book was finally done as I read the inscription over and over as my own tears starts to fall. I have been very focused on getting the final notes out to my editor she has been really happy she told me that she knows I am going through difficult times but what amazed her is the ability I had to write something so beautiful, that the love between the girls were passionate, there on and off fights they had.

She told me that what she can understand from the two main characters is that they fight not to be hurtful even thought things were said out of pain. That there arguments are passionate, the sexual tension between them were what sprung more to her the near fact in just a split moment they would be back to their old selves and start to rip the others clothes in a moment of passion and love. I cant deny that the focus were more on a journey of what my lead character had to go through she was involve with a girl she has been with for years and out of nowhere she meets a girl and they had this instant attraction, no matter how they fought the chemistry the power were into there constant flirting until the girl told her, that she has feelings for her knowing that she couldn't act on it at the time, all she could handle now was being the girls friend but it never just were friends. Like she told her.

"We were never friends. There were always something there and you kept denying what your heart truly wanted." just in that line I saw what I was going through in my own relationships. How I got tangled into a love triangle loving both of them at the same time. I ask so many people as I have interviewed couples gay or straight is it possible for one person to love or to be in love with two people at the same time. Some said yes some said no, just maybe the other one was someone you could explore things with you couldn't do with your partner. But who do you know you truly loved.

I can sit here and ask more questions I can read about unrequited love.

Mostly I think that is what I had with Spencer, the love seem so real that she was this hidden secret I kept from the world and from Leah. She was the one who got to see me in my good times and my worst times. She would try to reason with me but I know the stubborn person I am.

I like to believe that I am a good person that I could've made any one happy.

Some would say if you meant to be you are going to be. Spencer believed that.

A line from a friend of mine so long time ago when I read it in her book that she dedicated to someone she loved, I remember passing it to Spencer once upon a time.

I don't like taking other people's lines but the way she put the words out spoke to me.

It goes as is:

_We complain about love but there is one person out there that is not for games, and we sometimes find that person but in order to have love in your life you have to first of learn to love yourself and find yourself. So when you find yourself then you will have that love you so much desire but you have to find yourself then you can be with the one who wants and needs to be with you._

This is where I am at, I am going to go tomorrow attending my book launch and dedicated this book to those who are still finding there place in this world, finding their heart, making that one choice and living with the thought of having just one love.

_They say if you truly love someone the best thing is to let it go and if it were true love then it would return._

**AN: I know most of you want to see what Spencer's POV would be with everything regarding the affair, but I guess it will take awhile for her to show up, hopefully I can get a chapter with her sometime. **

**But in this chapter is basically Ashley accepting that just maybe she needs to focus on her life and make herself feel happy again without dating cos believe me she has a lot going on in her head and in her heart I hope she gets to appoint where she can move on and let go from all that has been going on.**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this story.**

**Thanks for the reviews.**

**Love**

**Chimhill**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"_I just wish that you could think really think put yourself in my shoes Ash, what do you feel when you do that." She asked me._

"_I feel your pain I do and I wish I can split myself into two halves to give you each one a piece but I can't now do that." I say._

_Spencer and I have been fighting constantly at some point I told her to just walk out of my life or I will do it for her cause for once in my life I have had enough._

"_Its cause of her right." I stayed quiet as I sat on her bed my knees brought up to my chin as I hold them tight my arms around them as I see her coming to sit next to me._

"_Ashley please."_

"_I…I. cant. This is getting too much for me."_

"_Ashley why do you keep running from what your heart really wants."_

"_My heart don't want to be rushed are pressured into something that I am not ready, and for once stop bring Leah into this. We fucked up not her, she didn't share this bed with us, I wont let you talk about her the way you do, she is still my wife and the mother of my child." I say. She looked at me with those blue eyes I have to love, seeing them in the mornings as it opens up a new day for me. Just looking in them with so much love for me._

"_I guess I have my answer then." She says._

"_Don't make my mind up for me. Do you not get it I have a child who needs me?" _

"_She doesn't even understand."_

_I got up from the bed walking in my underwear as I went to grasp my jeans._

"_If I had a choice between you and Leah I would choose you over her anytime, but when it comes to You and Sarah, I would choose Sarah always and forever cause she is my heart, she is what came out of a beautiful relationship at one point. I know if Leah finds out about us she would leave me but I am willing to stick it out until that time comes. I love you so much Spencer but you just don't see what trauma and ache this is causing me."_

_I finally put my clothes on as I turn around once more seeing her sitting there with tears in her eyes. Tears I have put there._

"_I am in love with you, Ash how am I ever going to get over you."_

"_It won't be easy, if we are meant to be and I find myself single once again, I'll come find you and we'll be together but for now it's her."_

"_It's always been her right. You were never going to leave her not once for me."_

"_Any other time I would."_

That was the last time I ever saw her again. She took a job in New York some big developing company.

I think most people think I am really going crazy, here I am a 28 year old talented beautiful writer but yet my heart seem not to be over either of them. Whenever I see Leah coming to pick Sarah up I just stare at her beauty, her long dark raven hair. She is a woman I counted myself lucky to have. I was happy with her, I had a family everything I have ever wanted in a wife was her but one thing that came between us were the fact I loved another woman. I brought another girl into our lives, but I know there are no regrets I am glad to have both these woman love me as much as they could.

"Ash." Oh gosh.

"What now Aid." I asked him.

"Sarah."

"What about her, she ate your pop tarts again." I say out laughing abit.

"No, where is the little munchkin." He asked. She has been very quiet for sometime. We both walked out my room as I found my little girl fast asleep on the floor near the piano standing in my music room.

"Aww, how cute." I heard Aiden say. I walked over to pick the little brunette up. As I pick her up her beautiful brown eyes exactly like mine goes open and she smiles.

"Hey you." I say.

"Mommy are you sad." She says. I though she was going to sleep not so much as I carry her into my bedroom laying her on her side.

"Mommy is okay, we were worried about you hunny, why fall asleep there." I ask her.

"I don't know, I was just tired.' She says. As Aiden came and start to tickle the small form. Just hearing her laughter makes my heart smile. Makes me feel like somewhere out there I will find that laughter. That sense where I can be me again. Ashley Davies.

"So what time should you be at the book store Ash." I hear my best friend asking.

"Another two hours."

"It's going to be okay. What time is Leah coming over?" Leah has promised to be there at the book signing knowing it would be hard on her knowing the real reason behind my book.

"Mama is going to come. I miss mama." She says.

"I know baby, I miss mama too." I hear myself say. Some how I have tried to get to fetch Sarah more at school knowing I'll get to see her mother, but it doesn't even matter cause Leah hasn't even once looked at me the same again. Its hard you know, when you realised you are too late to start over.

There is so much heart ache one can go through but yet in all this I just want to feel love again. I want to wake up in the mornings seeing the love of my life lying beside me. As we just stare in each others eyes. I had so much heart ache and pain and I am living in my head but I want to know if I can once again find that smile, find that feeling of being in love. I just want her back in my life but how can I make her see it's her that it's always been her.

"You may never know Ashley, one day you will see things will get lighter and you will see who she truly is, the girl you supposed to be with for the rest of your life." I hear him say.

"Let's get ready you two."

Aiden took Sarah for a snack while I was getting ready for my book launch of Three Hearts, One Choice, and One Love.

"_I wish we can stay here."_

"_I know me too. I don't want to move from this spot. You feel too good in between my legs." I hear her say. As we both start to laugh. We were lying in bed once again after making love whole night through. It's been five months now since we met._

_She would make a great wife one day that I know; she is so nurturing and caring even though I haven't let her and Sarah interact at all, only the times when she worked at our house. But my mom would mostly have her cause of the dust from the builders. _

"_We can stay here, I am sure Leah wouldn't mind." She says. I just stared at her for quite sometime until I felt her hands go in between my legs as I caught it._

"_Not so fast there hunny bug." I tell her._

"_Oh come on now hunny bear." She calls me. We have come up with these pet names and it just stuck._

_She's the bug and I am the bear. We were talking once about the beast that needs to come out. _

_Having a baby and running errants doesn't give me and Leah much time for ourselves and Leah is an amazing mother no doubt._

"_Ash you thinking again."_

"_Ahh you know me so well."_

_I felt her hand moving slightly upper until I felt her fingers sliding through my wet folds._

"_Gosh Spence haven't you had enough yet." She looks up at me._

"_Nope I can never have enough of you. You too fucking sexy to not eat up." She says. I love when she cuss, gosh it makes me feel things I just cant have enough of her, the minute I see her I want to rip her clothes off and have my way with her._

_Whenever we argue and she gets mad or fuming up, we have a way of pushing each others buttons and its normally the buttons that will lead up to sex, either her car, we never take any of my cars. You don't know who may see you._

"_Why cant you just give into your heart, we both know this is what you want."_

"_Don't talk." I tell her. I bit my lip feeling her curling her fingers into me. She entered me with two fingers. Deep and slow. She knew what she is doing as she just smiles._

"_I love you." she says._

"_I love you too."_

"_I want to do this every day, all day long."_

"ASHLEYYYY!" I heard a familiar voice.

I turned around seeing Leah standing there. I must've drifted back into another memory cause I haven't even gotten close to getting dress, just been sitting here with just my underwear.

"Put on some clothes." She says. And walked back out.

Gosh how could I have gotten back to those memories, I have told myself I wont torture myself on another Spencer memory but how, how do I stop myself from doing it, how do I stop myself from loving her knowing we can or will never be.

Just the thought of her kissing someone, holding someone, doing the things we have done over and over. She use to say I am the only one who has ever made her feel passion, the only one who has ever loved her and she wont let her heart go that far with someone else, but look at what she did, she met someone. She fell in love. How can you say you love someone forever but yet you are marrying someone else?


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Happy Easter Holidays to those who celebrates it and thank you, thank you for all the reviews.

**k-dawg I want to thank you for the review somehow it made my day blessed with all that has been going on.**

Chapter 9

I haven't seen or spoken to Ashley for more than two years now, her daughter must be getting bigger now. I saw them awhile ago when I was in town. I didn't want to go over seeing as Erin was with me, but she did look as beautiful as ever. There is no doubt that Ashley were the one woman I have ever loved as much as I had. With Taylor's death I dated random girls. But Ashley was something else. There were something about her that I craved that I wanted that very first day when I met her and the time we spent together in bed or anywhere else we would find a place to be alone.

But I have always known it's never going to be me.

I though she was my forever. I always thought that if I hung in there long enough Ashley would have seen that I loved her, that she would realise it was me, she never realised that. Even though she would leave me with tears in my eyes, those nights that I would drink until I couldn't stand or cry myself to sleep. Ashley never knew, I wouldn't dare tell her how much she affected me. It was hard to pour my heart out to her day after day only to have it shoved back in my face.

"I have a wife.. I have a child. I have that family I want."

I understand she has a child, but what I don't understand is if she says she loves me and that I love her then why can't we raise her, why couldn't we have been that family? She always chose to go back to her, Ashley always chose to leave me, after awhile you get used to all the leaving, after awhile it doesn't seem to hurt as much, after a while it all seems to be lost.

That one feeling of happiness gone…just like that gone. I keep thinking of her I cant help not to, like when I catch a whiff of her perfume she is there, when I pass a place that we shared a memory together she is there, or when I come across the plans for her add on she is there. Its like I can't escape her she invades my every thought.

She hurt me bad, she chose her again, and it's always her. that feeling of not being wanted will haunt me for the rest of my life, that feeling of never being good enough for her will constantly play in my mind.

If you were good enough Spencer she would have chosen you once out of all those times, but you weren't.

You never will be. She never chooses you for a reason. The one thing that killed me the most was when she said, "_I love you, I just don't love you enough to pick you."_

Cut like a knife. That was the day I broke.

I Spencer Carlin will never have a forever with Ashley Davies.

"_I say sorry in advance for your tears." I heard her say._

"_Its okay I cause you pain."_

"_Its okay." She says._

"_No it's not okay, that is something I never wana do."_

"_It's over now; you did what you had to."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You wanted to be with someone, I understand, don't blame yourself." I just couldn't proof to her how much it's her I wanted._

"_That isn't it and you know it."_

"_Then what is it."_

"_I am not getting back into another argument with you." I tell her cause I know we are heading that way._

"_I wasn't even heading there with you."_

"_I love you." I tell her._

"_I love you too."_

"_But you like the arguing."_

"_No that is you." she would say._

"_But we get into it, wow like we can't stop."_

"_I know…but we work it out in the end though."_

"_Yep we do…why are we always arguing."_

"_I think its because we both know in our hearts that we belong together and its killing us that we aren't, but I know you wont see it like that." I told her._

The memories is constantly there, I sit whole day at a coffee shop not to far from my apartment in New York and sit right at the back away from prying eyes, and sketch her face whole day.

Until another memory pops in my head.

"_This movie I am watching reminds me of us. The Show Down." She tells me via IM._

"_I have never seen that. How does it remind you of us." I typed back. I wanted to know, if just maybe she could see a future with me._

"_Just they both in love with the other but there is constantly something in between them, she moved to Paris then came back but she slept with someone else, he told her to go, but years later they bump into each other, she sketch he writes…then she goes away and he still love her but they fell in love so young both live in different towns but in the end they back together." _

I turned to my side as I saw her lying next to me, the same hair but just straighter, green eyes but not the same smile. No one will ever be her I can't try and find any girl who's a brunette but they will never be her. I love Erin I truly do, she is an amazing artist she has her own little studio outside of New York city I sometimes does some of my own sketches and put it out for an exhibition, but none of her sketches gets put on canvas's, Erin never saw it, I don't want her to see it ever, it would just cause problems. I have met some amazing people here in New York. At least now I have one friend I can talk to about what is going on in my mind and my heart.

"_So you actually had a dream about her but you could never see the face." She asked._

"_Yes."_

"_Tell me about it."_

"_Okay well I had a bubble bath ran for this person with rose peddles in it and candles lit all around the bath with the lights off so it gave a glow ...I wasn't going to join her but she asked me to get in with her all seductive like, then I settled in between her legs and eventually she ran her hands up my legs and cupped me, well I arched into her and turned around and I started kissing her deep, straddling her …her hands gripped my ass and I bit her neck and started making my way up her neck and I kissed her but I had my eyes closed as I was opening my eyes I woke up." That was a bumper._

"_So know face that must've been hard, it's your second time." She says back._

"_She is kind of mysterious though."_

"_How you mean have you met someone like that."_

"_Just you." I tell her._

"Spencer, hun." I hear Erin call me out of my thoughts again.

"Morning beautiful." I tell her. As I lean over to kiss her lips.

"Morning to you too, once again I find you in deep though. Must be pretty good things up there." She tells me. I couldn't tell Erin everything until she saw the tabloid that made my world and Ashley's world tumble. When I saw her interview on E! I knew just then there was know way she can deny what we were after that. I had to tell Erin the whole story.

But it was Jean my friend who I have met the week after I got here who told me to rather be honest with Erin about everything, I just felt it was time for me to move on, to be with someone who wont hurt me as much.

I know most of my friends think that I am with Erin because she wouldn't hurt me; I won't let anyone get that close to me after Ash. Ash took my heart she took it all and when she gave it back to me I fell apart.

I don't know if I would ever stop loving her it's impossible if she is always there.

_**AN: As promised the Spencer Pov, I hope I made the character tell certain things you wanted to know. Hopefully it won't be her last.**_

_**I just hope that all this pain they all going through can get to appoint where they can finally let go of the heartache all three of them are still carrying around.**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews once again its great to know I am writing something good.**_

_**Chimhill**_


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: writing Spencer's pov wasn't as easy as I thought it would but I just wanted people to hear from her. I hope this story can heal us all and make us stronger.**

Chapter 10

I came walking out of my bedroom seeing know Aiden but hearing squealing coming from the kitchen. I knew it were just those two who can make such loud bangs. That is what they do whenever Sarah is over. She makes Aiden act like a child most times sometimes I get frustrated by his childish acts but I know why he is doing it, his doing it to keep Sarah happy so that her little mind not wander to what is going on with the adults around her.

I found Leah sitting in the den sipping an ice tea. I stood next to the doorway leading up to the den but not really wanting to move as I saw her looking at me.

"This is a nice place you got here no wonder our little girl wants to be here more." She tells me. I knew Sarah was getting her way by staying here more often.

"Leah it's not my fault if she wants to be here or with you. She has a home with us both. I am not taking her away from you."

"Its fine don't worry about it. I am glad she has you in her life."

"We were happy right you and I." I asked her as I moved closer but not taking the vacant seat next to her. I looked at the picture of the three of us when we first brought our baby home. I wasn't feeling well that day when we got home. I have been struggling with anaemia for years, I was so tired during the pregnancy but Leah didn't leave my side once. She even took off work just to take care of me. She was just that amazing human being.

"I wont lie yes we were. Or so I thought we were. You ruined us. You had to bring her into our lives and destroy everything we have worked hard to build." She says.

"I know. I am heartless must be why my parents never loved me." I tell her.

"No, you can't every time blame your parents for your short comings, you made your bed so lie in It." she says.

"Leah I don't want to argue about this, I was just wondering." I tell her.

We sat quiet for almost 20 minutes until Sarah came running out of the kitchen looking a mess.

"OMG Aiden!" I yelled.

I saw him running after her probably to stop her from coming out looking like that.

"It's not my fault Ashley." He said back. Leah looks towards me and then at Aiden.

I just saw a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"Sarah get over here." She tells the little girl, I saw Sarah walking slowly over to her mother as she stares at me.

"Don't look at me now princess you know we have to leave in a hour." I tell her as Leah takes the small brunette by the hand and towards the bathroom.

"Ashley I am sorry. We were just having fun you and Leah don't understand how fragile that little girl is, its like all you see or think you see is a happy little girl but she really is feeling all the pain her parents is going through. I know it's not my place to tell you this. But I am just looking out for my god daughter if you can't do it I will." He said. I knew that she is just a little girl and shouldn't face all this.

"How do you think I face her daily knowing I screw up? I ruined this family the only one she ever had. I try Aid everyday I try but my mistakes keep facing me day in and day out. My heart is split into different directions, just maybe its wrong of me to think she can heal it all. She so innocent in all this." I point my finger towards the direction Leah has walked in.

"It doesn't matter how hard I try to get her out my mind and my heart, she has met someone. There is Leah a woman I have hurt more then I had ever could have dreamt off. But this, this is something I need to go through this ache that I have been carrying since the day she left, the ache I felt when I got served divorce papers." Tears were formed into my eyes as I felt Aiden hold me close to his chest.

"Shhhh. At some point this will get better but for you to get better Ash you need to let go of the hurt you have been carrying around. Its way too long for you to hurt this much I care so much about you. I don't agree on what you did, how you have lied and cheat to these two women but I know that deep inside their hearts they still love you and forgave you for what you have done but you have to forgive yourself also. It's hard I know. It's hard to stop loving someone you wanted your forever with. Whether that girl were Leah or Spencer but please do it for you and not for anyone else." He said. I didn't respond, we didn't hear them coming back into the den. I couldn't look at Leah as I walked pass her. I couldn't look at my own daughter when I just heard Aiden and Leah telling her that I will be okay.

All I heard were.

"I want mommy." But Leah stopped her as she took the little girl outside telling Aiden she will see us at the book signing. In all this she still protects me in her own gentle way.

It's been such along time since I have shed tears like that; I never wanted to show my weakness my pain in front of my daughter. But I just don't know where to next, what is next for Ashley Davies another book to write my pain in. another road trip to drive through to see where the next life takes me. It's all because my stupid heart couldn't stop loving either that I could never choose. I know that I am not the only person in this world going through this; maybe there are millions of other people going through this ache inside not knowing what to do. Sometimes I want to stop a memory, whether it's from Spencer or from Leah it always sneaks up on me somehow. I don't even have her friendship the day she left was the coldest day in my life, the day Leah served me with divorce papers I knew my love only hurt people that for the rest of my life I am going to wonder what might have been. But I can't live like this. Aiden is right I got to shake out of this funk I have been in for so long.

If I had a nickel for every screw up than I would be stuck with a lot of cans I bet.

But this is the day I have looked forward to. A day to tell the world that Ashley Davies is going to start living, I just hope I have the strength, but having Sarah and Aiden in my corner is more then I ever need right now. I haven't been with another woman after both Spencer and Leah I just can't see myself with anyone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The drive to the bookstore were driven in silence I didn't hear one word from his mouth neither have I said anything.

The way things are right now is so confusing my life, the way things all have gone wrong. Spencer being with someone else, Leah. Gosh Leah I know she is here but I have hurt her so much. If I had the courage to go after Spencer and tell her how much I love her. I know I love her but does love really have to be this hard. Is love even enough to convince someone it's them you want. Just maybe I lied to my own heart all this time. Maybe it were never meant for me and Spencer to find our way back together, maybe she is better of with this other woman I could give a shit for if she is someone that wont hurt her heart in the end, I still think apart of Spencer will always be with me.

Every memory we have shared will be with me constantly and that were the main part why I wrote this book.

I saw the front of my bookstore in the distance. Loads of people were already queuing to get there book signed. That is the best accomplishment I can ever say I love. Just knowing that people love what I do. That I can make a difference in someone's heart or relationship. We aren't all perfect we make our mistakes and when we get caught out we ask ourselves how stupid could I have been to get caught.

If could've gotten caught by Leah be haps finding out alone but the fact of the matter the whole of L.A and other parts of the world saw me cheating with someone that isn't my wife.

"Ash are you daydreaming again." I turn to look at him as he went to pull in near the curb.

"No, just focusing on my speech." I tell him.

I don't even have a speech I don't even know what to say.

"You will be okay just speak from here." He says pointing towards my heart. I gave him a weak smile. I just right now want to see Sarah. Just to hold her and tell her that her mommy loves her so very much. That I wish I could've done better.

The car finally stopped and both our doors flew open as the press finally stuffed there microphones and cameras in my face. Not long I found Aiden stepping in front of me. Knowing I am not a fan of publicity.

"Ashley Davies so you have another book out." I heard the one saying.

"Ashley…Ashley is it true your former lover met someone else." I heard another.

"Ashley..Ms Davies, do you still love Spencer or is it Leah." I heard another. It went on for awhile as I saw Aiden pushing them away for me to get through.

To be honest all the questions, all the answers whirling around my head and there is not a damn thing I can do about any of this. I kept my mouth as I was lead through the mass of press giving Aiden a hard time of asking if his my new companion keeping me warm in my bed at night. I saw him punch one guy when I saw my body guard coming from the bookstore grabbing the guy away so Aiden wouldn't get a lawsuit on his ass.

I just…I just. I just wish people can respect me. That I am still human. That I have a daughter who is one day going to grow up and hear what type of woman her mother were. The woman who she is looking up to now. But they all seem to laugh at my pain and hurt.

Out of nowhere I see Leah walking towards me as I push pass her and everyone else inside. I just need to get myself together I told myself.

"Ashley!" I hear her call from the other side of my office door when I went to open it I fell into her arms. I couldn't keep it in any longer. I just cried into her arms as my whole body were shaking.

I felt her hand rubbing my back. It felt good to just be held by someone who really cares.

"Ashley. You have to start to forgive yourself with everything that has happened." I didn't say anything. I just kept crying.

"Hunny we going to get pass this. We have to find that beautiful smile, whenever I look at Sarah I see that beautiful smile, she is all you Ash. That is something to be proud of that our little girl will forgive you. She loves you to much she just want you to be happy." I lift my face from her chest as she wiped the tears.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She is sitting inside by Aiden. I am glad Aiden were there to protect you. Do you want to see her?" I nod my head as I walked over to my desk to get the mascara that has damaged from the tears from my face.

Awhile later a bouncy three year old came storming through the door with her mother after her. Leah looked at me before she turns around to walk back out.

"Stay." I tell her as she went to sit down on the couch me and Sarah following suit.

She came to sit on my lap while burying her head in the crook of my neck.

She looks up at me. With that childlike curious eyes.

"Mommy I don't want you to be sad.' She says. Brushing my fingers through her curls.

"I know baby. Mommy really doesn't want to be anymore."

"I love you mommy. Right mama." She turns to face her mother as Leah just shook her head yes. As she too start to brush her fingers in between our daughters curls. I really want this life back but I know something's are just not fixable.

I heard a knock then see Aiden's face pop in the doorway.

"Its time Ash." He says. As I let Sarah off my lap and following me towards the door with Leah following us. I walked into the centre where several fans with books in there hands were standing in a long line. The press were also there, even though I hate it so much to be in front of cameras with what happen so long time ago but I know this was needed. That the people want to hear from me, that she would listen to me when she hears what I have to say.

I walked to the front as. I stood there waiting on the lady to put on the microphone attached to my jeans back and linking it to my shirt in front.

"Are you ready for this?"

"I guess I am." I tell her.

"Ashley Davies tell us about the book. Why write a second book based on the same title." She asked me.

"It's not more about the book that I wrote it's got to do more about what I was feeling when I wrote it. The thought of having something so amazing and loosing it all together, but I got a nice speech for you guys. Just the mere thought of my inner soul." I stopped for abit looking around me one more time then facing the cameras one last time.

"_Writing for me has always been an escape a way to express my true feelings, I wrote about my circumstances and how they affected me, how I would change them if I could. I wrote down my hopes and my dreams. I pour it all out and it kept me sane. It kept me from losing the one small piece of me that remained hidden away, where no one could find it. Its way to express what's in my heart and soul, those deep places where many people hesitate to venture._

_When you write you are tapping into your inner soul and it is really hard to lie to yourself when you are putting words down that sometimes translated from internal emotions that cannot be denied. There is much I can say about my writing about my book or every story I have ever written in my life, I know there are power in words, power to express oneself. _

_What I do find myself doing is writing about my experiences dealing with what I have gone through and recognizing the wonderful gift I have in writing and sharing the most human of emotions with others._

_This book is about my life as you all may have discovered from the first book. It wasn't easy to sit down and jot down every heartache every hurtful thing I have done. If you find yourself torn between two amazingly beautiful woman and you just don't know where you have gone off course. Today I am standing here not just as a writer but I am standing here as a mother and wouldn't wish anyone to go through the heartache all three of us have gone through and just maybe we are still going through it." _

I stood standing as I turn to face Leah and tears were streaming down her face, it wasn't long when I heard people clapping hands. I faced the interviewer once again. She smiled.

"That was beautiful the way you have laid out what writing has done for you over the years how you have taken this talent you have and gave back in the form off many amazing best sellers. I bet every person that has bought your book today isn't going to be disappointed at all. I have read most of your books but this book _Three Hearts, One Choice, One Love _has won everyone over." She says.

"Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words."

"That is it guys. Thank you Ashley for letting us in to your bookstore it meant a lot." She says. As she walks closer to me and helped me get the stuff of me.

Aiden was busy letting more people in as the bookstore were filled with hundreds of people I could see the line going out the front door.

I went to sit down.

"Hi who must I signed it too." I asked.

"Hi your name is." I asked.

"Hi and your name." I asked.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

It went on for quite some time when I just didn't bother looking up to there faces and just greet them and signed the book in there respective names. I think so far I have signed over 60 books in the first two and a half hours.

I was starting to get tired. I bet Sarah is out in my office. Cause I didn't see Aiden.

It was the following session that was getting my hands to cramp and my ink almost near drying up.

"Hi and your name is?" I asked. Hopefully this will be the last one.

"That would be Spencer Carlin." What?


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I snuck in while she was giving her speech and sat in the place I used to sit. She never knew this but I have come to this specific book store whenever I was in town. With her opening I wanted to come, but I couldn't face her then. I didn't have the courage or strength to be there.

In some odd manner it felt good to be in this chair, in other ways it brings back pain. I fought with myself for the longest time debating if I was even going to come. Low and behold I found myself sitting here with so many memories flooding my mind.

"_I am working on a novel it's mainly about my life, the things I feel but I am worried people wont like it, what if they don't like it Spencer." she asked me._

"_They will cause you an amazing writer and I am your loyal reader that would never change Ash."_

Those memories I have to shake out of my head. They are just too much sometimes; I look up as she walked into the room. She has never looked more beautiful. I watched her every move, I watched her eyes they tend to tell me everything about her, and she was hurting as was everyone involved.

"_Today I am standing here not just as a writer but I am standing here as a mother and wouldn't wish anyone to go through the heartache all three of us have gone through and just maybe we are still going through it._

_Writing for me has always been an escape a way to express my true feelings, I wrote about my circumstances and how they affected me, how I would change them if I could. I wrote down my hopes and my dreams. I pour it all out and it kept me sane. It kept me from losing the one small piece of me that remained hidden away, where no one could find it. Its way to express what's in my heart and soul, those deep places where many people hesitate to venture._

_When you write you are tapping into your inner soul and it is really hard to lie to yourself when you are putting words down that sometimes translated from internal emotions that cannot be denied. There is much I can say about my writing about my book or every story I have ever written in my life, I know there are power in words, power to express oneself. _

_What I do find myself doing is writing about my experiences dealing with what I have gone through and recognizing the wonderful gift I have in writing and sharing the most human of emotions with others._

_This book is about my life as you all may have discovered from the first book. It wasn't easy to sit down and jot down every heartache every hurtful thing I have done. If you find yourself torn between two amazingly beautiful woman and you just don't know where you have gone off course." _

I turned my head looking down at the ground willing my tears not to fall. Her family has been through so much, I couldn't help but feel some what mad at myself and at her. More to myself for letting my heart feel so much for her, and at her not even acknowledging that I was hurting as well. But I can't really blame her for that, I am no longer a thought to her, I am just a memory.

After her speech I sat for a long time just thinking about my next step. I always promised her that I would be there no matter what at her next book signing, that it would be me that comes up to her asking for the great writer that she is to sign a copy for me. Do I keep that promise or let her be? Do I remove myself from her life completely? Do I tell her everything or just let her be happy?

There are so many questions whirling around in my head mixed with the memories I have of her and I together. I can't help seeing the images of her in my head every night. I can't help when I go somewhere I think I see her. I can't help that every time I have a memory my heart still beats just as fast for her as if she was standing right in front of me.

True things aren't the same now, but I refuse to break a promise to her. Even though she has broken many she has made to me in the time we were together. I just have to find the strength.

"_If we ever find ourselves in two different places and I have a book signing somewhere close by would you ever come? No matter what happens will you always be there Spencer." she asked me. We were just lying on the couch like we do most times. _

_It was one of those rainy days in California, it was storming heavy outside as we stared out my huge French windows as the water splashed against the glass as we would just lay there in each others arms. Embracing the spare moments we get before she has to leave yet again to be the supportive wife. In all truth I am not happy with how we are hiding what we truly feel and want to be but with Ash I know we will never be that people. It's just not for us. _

"_I will always be there no matter what. I love your writing and I love the fact it sprung from your mind and heart." I tell her. She looks at me with those beautiful hazel eyes. I could get lost in them. That smile of hers I have come addicted to it. Knowing that I have put it there._

"_I love you, you know that." She says._

"_I know." I say._

I was once again pulled out of my thoughts by the moving line in front of me. The line seems to be getting shorter as the night goes on. It's almost closing time and I have still yet to find the nerve. As if by some cosmic force the lady standing in front of her moves and I catch sight of her once more. That is all it seemed to take, I was moving. I was almost there, almost to her. What would I say? Gosh, I have thought so much about seeing her that I forgot to think about what I would say when I did. Do I tell her how much I've missed her, do I tell her how much pain I have been in without her, do I risk getting hurt over again? I look up and I am standing in front of her. Just the sight of her makes my heart skip a beat. Damit Spencer be strong, don't let her see what your really going through, you cant let her see it you have to let her be happy she never chose you so that should tell you something.

Just get the book signed like you promised and be on your way.

"Hi and your name is." I heard her sweet voice. The voice I have longed for, for so long. I could barely speak but I got the courage not to sound squeaky.

"That would be Spencer Carlin." Her head flip up as her eyes grew big. Those eyes. Those lips. That whole face I loved to stare into when she were falling asleep. Just the mere thought of seeing her as this ache inside my heart grew even bigger and faster with every pump of blood flowing through my veins. I could feel my palms getting sweaty. I could feel my heart beating inside of my ears. I just couldn't control every fibre inside my body. That is what she does. That is what she always did to my heart.

_**AN: I know it was along time coming for an update but my head and heart weren't in the right place to write sooner. I hope you guys forgive me though.**_

_**As promised we get to hear Spencer's POV.**_

_**Three hearts, One Choice, One Love.**_

_**Chimhill**_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Spencer Carlin I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe she were at my book signing. Why didn't I see her while I was doing the interview? What is she even doing here? I sat in my chair not knowing if I should stand up or just get this done with, several other people were behind her waiting to get their books sign by me.

When I heard her voice I couldn't help but look at her, all shocked and surprised but then I remembered the promise she made to me so long time ago, that no matter what happens she would be there. The girl I once loved. The girl I broke into a gazillion pieces because I couldn't make up my mind what I truly wanted.

Awhile ago I read on my face book profile something that hit me to be true.

_What are you hiding from yourself? Love_

_You may love someone with all your heart but don't want to admit it to someone, so you hide it. You feel empty and longing but can't see why, even if the rest of the world can. Love isn't easy to give but you make it impossible by hiding it from yourself._

More ways I think I am so good at hiding my true self from everyone who knows me. I never wanted to hurt Leah she were my wife and I loved her so very much and when Spencer came into my life there were something there since the start. Besides our love and passion for art and literature she was the only one I could talk to about what bothers me. Whether it were us or my relationship with Leah, being a mother. She was always attentive to my needs but I constantly pushed her away. Every time she would say we are meant to be I would push the thought out of my mind.

In more ways I think I did it to save us all heart ache but in the end that didn't work either.

She is so beautiful; more matured maybe married life has been good for her. The one thing I could never get over were the fact I had to find out about her being engage over the television she didn't even have the decency to call me or email me. Hey Ash I am getting married.

A simple email could've sufficed, but nothing. What did I mean to her? Did she really love me? Was I just someone she met and thought what a heck I am going for it?

I'm deeply hurt by the fact she could just not bother telling me about her, but that is how Spencer has always been not to hurt me she would keep most things to herself and just brush the truth away. I know my mistakes and she might not want to be apart of my life as a friend but I still love her and care very much about her.

I could see that she was struggling with herself to move forward since the lady has just moved away. I could stare at her forever just watching her think if she is doing the right thing by coming here. That how would we act towards each other? I could always read her mind. She was so easy to read back then. She was the only one who could tell what I am feeling by one look through my eyes. I told her once I don't like people starring into my eyes. She asked me why it's beautiful. I told her well most people can see what I am really feeling when they have a look into the depths of my soul. But she had that right to do that. She could look right through me into my soul.

It's funny how I remember all these things about a girl who probably hates me and wish she has never met me. I hope she don't regret what we had, cause to me she will always be special no matter what.

Two years and here she is. Two years of my heart pining over her, but I am too late. I am always to late when it comes to Spencer. Twice I had the chance to choose her but over and over I chose my family. Every night she is there in my dreams. But just in my dream it's the other way around where she has the daughter and I am just a writer travelling the world to find where my heart really lies. Leah is also in my dreams. But in my dreams Leah has left me to go find her. But every time I get to her she is with someone else, another brunette. Every time I ask myself just maybe we aren't meant to be. Maybe our paths aren't meant to cross right now. But deep down I have faith that one day we would see each other.

Here she is again. Here she is and this time it's her coming after me but for how long will she be. How can you just sit here and talk to yourself silly. She is there talk do something, don't just stare at her. Gosh? What do I say?

"Ash, how about Hi how you doing." I hear Aiden whisper into my ear. When did he come closer and how come I didn't see him moving closer to me. She still stood standing there.

I turn towards Aid. I had this small smile tug at the corners of my lips.

"Okay." I tell him. He moved around getting more people in before we close the doors. He knows how I get when my hands is near cramping. With having Carpal Tunnel Syndrome it's not fun having to use your fingers for longer periods.

I sway my head as my hair falls into my eyes. Pushing the strain curls out of my face. I looked up to her as she shifts the book towards me.

"Thanks for coming Spencer." I said. I signed her book. That was it. It's all she came here to do.

"You welcome." She says. Is that all.

She moves away I see three girls standing behind her. Aiden must have let the others go till tomorrow. I smiled at them and signed there books with whatever they wanted me to sign in it. Two girls wanted a picture taken with me. I saw her starring. She was at the door. She looked between me and the girl who had her arms around my waist. I had to smile for the picture but inside I was dying. I was dying because she is there. Just when the pictures were done taken and the girl hugged me. Just then I looked back towards where she stood. She was gone.

I couldn't let that happen. Not just yet.

"Sorry." I said to the girl as I walked faster towards the door. I got to the door and pulled it open.

Just when I was out I saw a whip of her hair getting into the taxi right in front of the book store. I stood there looking as the car drove away. The car that drove away with my future.

It's all she came here to do. Just to get her book sign. Just not to let a promise to me be broken.

Just like that she is gone. Gone from my life yet again.

"Ash. Ash." I heard him call. But I couldn't hear him. I just start to do the walk down the road. Down towards the only place I always went to when she were still here.

_**AN: This is a short one I know. But the next one is definitely a big one.**_

_**Like one review said they star-crossed lovers. I think they were in some way.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews.**_

_**Chimhill**_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The walk lead me to the only place I could still hear her laughter, still see her smiling face as she laughs at me whenever I had froth on my nose, she use to say its cute. That I am not that tough when I am around her. It's like she melts the tough exterior inside me, she tore my walls down for that I'll always owe her.

I pulled the door open as the chiming once again alerts the people someone is here. I scan my eyes over our usual spot that became my usual spot. Then I start to walk towards the front.

"Ashley Davies, what can we get you?" The owner asked me, even though she knows what I'll be having caused for the last two years I had the same flavour since she left. It's hard to believe I am not a flavoured girl I just go for my normal coffee, but now I have come to love my caramel flavoured latte with lots of froth. I wouldn't have it any other way.

"The usual." I tell her. I scratched in my pockets remembering I didn't take anything when I left the store.

"Uhm…I forgot my wallet." I tell her. She had this concern look on her face and I knew she can tell that I am not being my usual self.

"You Know Ash I know you long enough for you not to worry about paying for one cup, but I can see you really need this. So it's on me." She says.

"Thanks." I stood waiting on her to fix the latte for me when she starts talking about her.

"You know that blonde, I always thought you made a cute couple, you were perfect for each other. What happened to her?" She asks me.

So it always goes wherever I go and people who knew us would always ask about her. Most times I decline these invitations knowing all they want is gossip but Claire is a good friend of mine since I have been coming to her coffee shop for so long.

"I guess she got broken." I say. As she hands me over the cup. I smile then make my way to my seat or our seat.

But on my way there I thought I heard sniffling, must be someone right at the back near the booths. It sounded like a girl.

I went to sit down just thinking how she could just leave like that without saying anything or at least wait. But the more I start questioning things in my mind the sniffling of someone at the back brought me out of my thoughts and back into reality.

I thought long and hard as I looked to Claire in the front then back to where the cries are coming from. She shrugged her shoulders as I stood up with my cup in my hand. I know it's not my place but if anyone knows what its like to feel lost and alone then it would be me. Just maybe I can help whoever it is out. I was on my way towards the available booth that was near the far end. I could hear it clearer as her sniffling turned into loud sobs.

I came walking around the little bend.

I couldn't believe it. It was her sitting there.

"Spencer." I said. In a soft voice. I didn't want to scare her off. Sending her running again. Off all the places for her to end up she comes here. To the one place that holds both our hearts.

She looks up at me. I don't like seeing her crying or hearing her crying at all it breaks my heart to see her in this way. But I know I am the course of what is happening to her. It's always me hurting her. It's always me walking away.

Not this time. I walked towards the vacant seat opposite her as I slide in noticing she too had a cup of caramel latte. I turn my head knowing I can't see Claire from where I am sitting. She knew but didn't say a thing.

"Spence." I asked. I reached my hands out to hers holding them in mine. It felt good to have her here. Just to know she is here. But why is she here.

She looks up at me as tears were falling down her face.

"Ashley. How did you know I am here?" She asked me.

"I just started walking and ended up here. I guess we both felt the need for some coffee." I tell her. But I know my reason for really being here. What is hers?

"What is yours?" I asked her.

"Same as yours." She says.

"Good or bad." I asked her. She let my hand fall on the table as she wiped her fallen tears.

"It doesn't really matter. I should have never come here. Seeing you, seeing her your daughter. All those memories coming back were flooding my mind. My heart. I tried so hard to push it all to the back." She says. That is how she is; doing that thing when she thinks all this is her fault. All this were something I plan for her to end up getting hurt.

"I didn't know I was going to see you. If I knew I wouldn't have made that speech. But what does this got to do with my family. For so long I have wanted to hear from you but nothing." I tell her.

"I thought it would get easier, seeing you again."

"But it's not right. Spencer I have waited so long for the day I would see you again. Now here we are."

"Ash I was on my way to the airport. To go back home, but I couldn't. I couldn't end it the way I did, by walking out and never talk to you again or see you again."

"I am glad you turned around. I couldn't let you go like that either. What I don't understand is why didn't you call me or email me. The way I found out about you and her it was the hardest thing to accept but I had too."

"I am sorry we weren't going to tell anyone you know how these journalists are. When I saw you on E! When you had your interview a year ago. When Leah and the whole world found out. I wanted to call but I couldn't. I didn't know what to say."

"It's over now I dealt with it. So no need to be sorry now. I just wish you could have told me yourself. I mean I had a wife and you were single now it's the other way around." She bends her head and start to play with the ring on her wedding finger. It's real now that I have seen it. She looks back at me.

"She's my wife now."

"Congratulations." I tell her.

"Ashley I still love you I guess there will always be a place in my heart for you." Without knowing my tears started to fall just then. I still love you; you'll always have a place in my heart. That is all that she could say. When deep down in my heart I love her so much. But yet all I get is a place.

"Me too Spencer." I say.

"I always thought that we will be happy together one day that all this were just some cosmic path we had to travel. Every day that has gone by I have missed you." She says.

"I have missed you too. I am sorry for everything that has happened I wish you knew how much I have gone through since you left. Leah asking for a divorce. I have lost everything."

"Maybe one day you will have that again." She says.

I took a sip from my cup but this time I took smaller sips not to have my face covered in white foam. My tears couldn't stop all through the conversation.

"Maybe. Does she make you happy? Are you in love with her?" I asked.

Not wanting to know the answer.

"She makes me feel loved that is all I ever wanted." She says.

"That is all we ever want isn't it. Someone to make us feel loved. But you know like the couple in my book. They were in love with each other, they didn't settle for anything less. But they got screwed over. Love is a mess. Just like the lead character I feel like her lost in my own life. But I am done doing that I know what my heart wants. Wherever that may lead me."

"What does it want?"

"It wants you?"

"Ash we've been here before. It's not me that you want its, it's always been her. Just cause I am with someone else that isn't you now you want me. What you say and write are two different things."

"I can't believe you would say that to me. I have loved you all this time. My heart knows who it wants but you know what you right maybe we aren't meant to be. Just maybe my writing speaks more truth then what my mouth is saying. Weren't you the one who always told me to write from my heart?"

"Yes I did, you write better when you put your heart in it that is what makes you such a great writer Ash. I came here to tell you I am proud of you. That I wish you could find that happiness. I love you Ashley Davies always will." She got out of her seat, she were completely out when she came to sit next to me. I faced her as her hands were caressing my cheeks. She stared deep into my eyes. She had that right. She will always be the girl that I love in my heart.

"Spencer I can't ever let go of my love for you. I love you too much." I say. She had her fingers tracing my lips. I just had her trace every feature on my face and lips. The closeness was overwhelmed. I wanted her but I knew I don't want to go down that path again.

"You so beautiful." She says.

"I love you Spencer." She had her finger on my lips stopping me to say anything else. Not long her finger was replaced with her lips. Feeling her lips melting on mine. The warmth it brought to my lips. Her tongue asking for entrance as I let her. Her fingers start to move through my loose curls as she scratches it. It's how she would always kiss me. Just the thought of being with her was a dream I had been holding on forever.

I found myself pulling her closer. Pulling her so close that she was practically sitting on my lap. As we both got so deep into the kiss our tongues moving in sync. Just the touch of her wet tongue dominating with mine as she has devoured my mouth and cavern.

If this should be my dying day I want it to be in this moment where we could get lost with each other and never come back to earth.

I love her.

She broke away as she leaned her head towards mine. My hands start to wander her body. I want her.

But she isn't mine.

"Ash this is goodbye." She says. With that she got up and took her bag and book. She didn't look at me she couldn't bare look into my eyes one last time. That is when she walked out. I wanted to run after her. I have to run after her.

But I couldn't move. I sat awhile when I finally got up. I found myself moving towards the front. I was about to get to the door when she was in the taxi. I saw her through the glass windows of the café. I saw her look at me the same tears that was falling from my eyes were falling from hers. How hard is this when you love her so much knowing she will never be yours. That you can never have her.

That the love we had shared was so real and deep that I sometimes ask myself how is it that I could fall for someone so deep.

I love you so much and I have hurt us all in the process.

I left not too long after she was gone.

I walked back to the only place I knew I could find myself once again. Maybe this is what Spencer wanted for me to be happy.

I knock on the door. I knew it were late by the time I left the café.

"I want to come home." It's all I had to say. It's all I had to ever say for her to love me again.

_**Epilogue**_

She has been on my mind since that day she walked out on me in the café. She was constantly in my dreams. I guess it happens you want to capture the moments you spend loving someone through the only place you know you could see her. Seeing the smile on her face. She had a daughter in one of my dreams. Blonde and blue eyes. Like the splitting image of her mother. But I wasn't part of that dream she had Erin there. Gosh I don't like seeing them on magazine covers or hearing about them through the grapevine. Soon after Leah and I got back together we renewed our wedding vows. I should have never left her when she asked for a divorce but I was un sure of who and what I really wanted. I have lost Spencer she is happy in her life.

She never contacted me, we lost touch a month after her finding out I was back with Leah. Sarah was happy. Aiden went from being my assistant to the manager of another bookstore I had open up in New York so I hardly see him. Only special gathering or when he comes to visit my daughter.

Seeing Sarah this happy is all I ever want. No child should go through the trauma what I have put her through. But out of all this I have learnt a lesson that my feelings for the both of them were constant and I would never want to see either of them hurt. This is what life teach us don't cheat on your spouses and yeah maybe I could've stopped my feelings for Spencer but I couldn't it wasn't possible, she were the only one who understood me. She never ignored me she listened and that is all I ever wanted in a partner. But we can't always have what we want.

Leah up till today can't stop throwing what I have done to her in the past. I worked so hard on getting her trust back. But even she knows I still love the blonde.

Spencer wherever you are at this moment. Whatever you are thinking about me and about us. I tell you now that one day in this big wide world I know our hearts are still linked. I can never stop myself from thinking about you. It feels like just yesterday that we have met and start talking about our dreams and desires. How you would ask so many questions about my life and how I did the same.

You will forever be the girl I truly will treasure for a lifetime. If our paths cross I will tell you this.

You are worthy. Worthy of so much more.

Till our road leads us back together.

This is what I wrote in her book

_Happiness is like a kiss, to get any enjoyment out of it you have to share it with someone else. I wish you the joy of truly experiencing every moment of your life. I wish you the joy of finding yourself and being content with that discovery. I wish you the joy of love in your life, love for yourself and the joy of being loved by others._

_I wish you true happiness and love_

_From Ash_

_Your forever Love_

_**AN: Every love story ends somewhere and this is where Ash & Spencer has bid farewell to each other. Hopefully the future could bring them back together.**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews and everyone's interest in this story.**_

_**Who knows I may reopen this story if they ever find each other again.**_

_**Chimhill**_


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